Episode 54: Transcript

You are listening to episode 54 of the Path to Motherhood podcast.

Welcome to the Path to Motherhood podcast.

I'm your host and fertility life coach, Sarah Rendell.

Join us each week as we walk through navigating your trying to conceive journey.

My mission is to share the skills of managing your mind, processing emotions, and living a full life to create a more authentic path to motherhood.

(upbeat music) Hello, hello, welcome back to another week with the Path to Motherhood podcast.

I'm super excited to have you here with me.

I have what I think is a really important topic to discuss today about really trying to find your own confidence in this journey, your own resilience to keep moving through this journey.

And we'll talk all about that here soon.

But how are you doing.

Here, if you are listening to current episodes, it is like officially fall, which is one of my favorite seasons.

Now I know some days feel a little bit more like fall and some days absolutely do not.

They're still really hot, which I think is funny because some of y'all are so committed to the fall season that like the boots come out, the sweaters come out, the flannels come out like regardless of the temperature.

That is not me.

I am too hot for that.

But I just love this season.

I love the changing leaves and getting out and going on walks more in parks to enjoy that.

And yeah, it's been a good time.

I honestly have been putting this episode off a little bit.

There's actually been some construction down the road for me.

And so because of that, there's just been a lot of background noise.

It's not bad today.

I'm hoping you guys don't hear anything, but it's kind of delayed me recording this episode.

In addition to that, I often have these topics that I'm all over and think about for weeks, months, you know, add little notes about them, think about them, and really kind of think about how I want to discuss them.

And that's how I do most episodes.

I don't really script the episodes, but just, you know, some bullet point notes about what I want to talk about.

But today, it's something that I have been talking about a lot recently with clients and coaching them through.

And it's been an important topic for all of them that I felt that it was important enough to bring here to share with all of you.

And obviously I've talked through it with clients, so it's something that's top of mind and I have things that I want to focus on, but I did no scripting, no draft of the order I want to talk about things.

So we'll see how this goes.

Hopefully it's not too all over the place, but we will see.

So other than that, what am I up to these days.

I'll be honest the exhaustion this time around with this pregnancy has been tough Really tough.

I'm really able to like give fully to my clients show up here to the podcast And that's really the majority of what I've been able to do if you follow me on social media I've been pretty quiet just because I'm pouring my focus into the things that you know I can and some things are falling off the back burner and that's just the honest truth But I'm around.

Obviously, you guys hear me on here every single week.

I still host my monthly support group that's local to where I live.

I have my clients that I meet with every single week and we're making amazing strides.

And I'm just grateful to be able to focus on those things and hoping that slowly I'm going to be able to come back to showing up other places.

But that's what's going on.

I have recorded a couple guest podcasts, so like, like been on other people's podcasts recently, and those should be going live soon.

So you'll see me sharing about those as they get published.

And I think that's everything.

Like I said, I'm just enjoying the fall and patiently awaiting some revived energy.

So today, what I want to talk about, like I said, is to talk about not only confidence, using confidence to build resilience in this process.

Because when I talk to people who are really struggling, who are feeling like they're at the end of the rope, not because they want to be at the end of the rope, not because they want to be done trying, but because they literally feel like they have no other option, most of the time it's because they lack so much confidence.

They are They're stuck in such an absolutely negative place and it just feels so painful to keep it going and they really don't feel like they have any other options.

And I don't say that to belittle them or belittle their experience or say that they shouldn't be feeling that way.

I have been there.

I have felt that way.

That is why I'm willing to kind of speak through it, talk through it and give another option is because I've been there, right.

Like I've been there through the days where I literally question if I could take another step on this journey.

If I could keep going because the pain has just been so heavy that I literally don't know if I can keep going.

So I understand that that can happen and I really, really, really truly do get that that can be where you are.

And so I'm speaking to you guys.

If you feel like you're there, if you feel like you just don't know how to keep going, you feel terrified to keep going, you feel nervous to take the risk of another attempt, I got you.

And what I want to say is this is something that is built over time, but for those of you that have been through significant amounts of pain already, whatever has caused it, you've been through it.

You've put in the time.

So it's not like you have to wait months, months, months more.

You've been through it.

You've done it.

And what I would say is that a lot of this work of building confidence really does come from reflection.

And that sounds scary because why would we want to reflect and focus back on the pain that we've been through.

But I really find that important.

So when I think about creating confidence that number one thing is to just acknowledge that we don't have control.

When I was in that early June stage pre my fourth embryo transfer, I was feeling really negative.

I really truly didn't believe it was gonna work out, right.

I didn't have any proof that we were gonna have success with that and I think that's important to acknowledge We don't know if it's gonna work, right.

We don't have the proof We don't have a way of telling what the future is gonna hold and part of being willing to keep moving forward is accepting that Like if we had to have 100% certainty That this next cycle was gonna be the one that was gonna work in order for us to attempt it No one would try getting pregnant.

No one because we would never ever ever Have that certainty it would just never happen So that is important to acknowledge that and that's scary to acknowledge that's uncomfortable to acknowledge I get that but it's important to acknowledge we don't have the control.

We don't have the certainty in knowing that accepting that means that we have to at least somewhat be open to the fact that if we're going to try again, there's a chance we could be disappointed.

That's, that's innately part of it.

I have to acknowledge no matter if I'm trying ovulation trackers again and hoping I don't have another miscarriage or I'm going through with an IVF process or I'm working with a herbalist or whatever I'm doing and I'm trying another attempt that I could be disappointed.

Even those without an infertility journey technically have to acknowledge this.

There's no way of knowing.

One, pregnancy is gonna work out.

Two, that the baby is gonna be healthy.

Three, that the labor and delivery process is gonna be without complication.

And we haven't even gotten to the young years of childhood, et cetera.

So innately and putting yourself out there to attempt to get pregnant again is assuming risk.

And I am emphasizing this because it's important, but I don't wanna be like a tebidowner.

It's just naturally part of the process.

It's the part of being a human, being a human of risking driving to work every day, being the human of risking building a business, of changing jobs, of starting a new career, of falling in love with someone.

Those are all risks.

They can have great, amazing potential rewards, but they're all technically risks.

And so that's just important to acknowledge because I think a lot of us go into cycles saying if this isn't going to work out perfectly, I'm going to be devastated.

I'm going to be 100% ruined.

I'm not gonna be able to deal with the emotional turmoil of that and it's really going to take me back.

And I think that's important to think, Is that really reasonable of an expectation for me.

And I don't think that the expectation has to be that there's no disappointment.

I don't think that the expectation has to be that I don't have any moments of pain if I have a setback, if I have a complication, if it doesn't work out.

But I do think we need to work towards leaving a little bit of room for, hey, yes, I want to get pregnant and yes, I want a healthy baby and yes, I want a healthy pregnancy, but I can't be certain it's gonna be this one.

This could not be the one, and I have to be prepared for accepting that, for allowing that to be the case, for allowing this to be an unsuccessful cycle and go for the next one.

So I think that's important to acknowledge.

And then from there is where the reflection part happens.

You reflect on your journey.

Remember back to previous episodes, I will link it in the show notes that it is just not beneficial for you or anyone and compare your journey to others journey and think, "Oh, I've had it harder than others or I've had it easier than others.

" It's just not useful.

You are your own human being.

Your focus should be on your journey.

No one else's.

So reflect back on your journey and think about what have you navigated.

What have you made it through.

What setbacks have you had.

What complications have you had.

What disappointments have you had.

Have you had losses.

Have you had negatives.

What has happened on your journey.

And when that has happened, how did you get through it.

How did you take care of yourself through that process.

What did you do.

How did you navigate it.

And I can tell you, when I did this, when I did my reflection and I looked back and I I thought about my experiences and I thought about my losses.

I saw examples of times where I took care of myself in a way I would not recommend doing again.

And I saw examples of times where I took care of myself in a way I'm really proud of and I'm grateful for.

So this is not some perfection expectation where we get disappointed, where we did things that we wish we wouldn't have done.

No, we are learning here.

even in those grief moments, even in those disappointment moments where you maybe didn't handle it as ideally as you would have liked, you can learn something from that.

You can take something away from that for how you are going to navigate this in the future.

So using this reflection, really what this starts to do is it starts to teach your brain, it starts to remind you, Hey, I've been through hard things.

I've made it through hard things.

It's happened before, this is not brand new, and I figured it out.

It hasn't been easy, it hasn't been pain-free, but I have made it through.

And this lesson, holding onto this one single lesson, is I have been through hard things.

I have made it through hard things.

I have taken care of myself through hard things.

is one of the most important lessons that you can remind yourself on a daily basis during an infertility journey.

Because why would you be willing to take the risk if you didn't believe you had the capability to do that.

Our job truly is to acknowledge, hey, I'm gonna put myself out there, I'm gonna try for this because I want it so badly, I'm gonna hope for the best, I'm gonna accept it might not be a good outcome.

And if it's not, I'm gonna be here to take care of myself.

I'm gonna be here to pick up the pieces, pick myself up off the floor, love myself, grieve with myself, process the emotions, be with them for as long as I feel necessary, and then decide if I'm ready to keep going forward and take the risk again.

And that is really, truthfully, how you build confidence on this journey.

Now, if you're listening to this and you're thinking, "I don't know.

Like, I don't know that I believe that.

I don't know that I believe that I could make it through another disappointing event.

" I hear you.

I feel you.

And this is really where I think it can be so beneficial to have someone on your team, to have an outside perspective supporting you, helping you kind of work through this, think through this and really just help you build that confidence.

So as I said, this concept is something that I've been talking about with clients over the last few weeks and that's because that's what I've been helping them with.

I have a handful of different clients coming off of different negative experiences and they're preparing for their next cycles and we're in that process of building the confidence.

We're in that process of reflecting on what they've been through and how well they took care of themselves through that process.

We are step by step using coaching tools to masterfully create confidence and resilience in this process so that we can go from like, "I want to do this, but I don't know if I I can too, I'm going to do this and I'm going to hope it works out.

But if it doesn't, I know how to take care of myself and we'll keep moving forward.

And so I think that this can be something that can be so beneficial for you and your journey.

I know that this isn't a super long episode, but like I said, these last few weeks, I'm really focusing on some high touch, really, really impactful skills that you can work on, that you can build in your own journey that can truly transform the experience of trying to conceive through infertility, through history of pregnancy loss, any of it.

Dealing with the anxiety, the doubt, the frustration, building confidence and having confidence is something that 150% will be able to create a more resilient you through this process.

So that's what I'm gonna leave you with today.

My plan is over the next few weeks to talk about a few different tools that I actually use with clients to create that confidence.

If you feel like you're lacking it, the first tool, like I said, is reflection.

The most important tool is reflection.

And spending time reflecting on what you've been through and how you've handled it is so important.

But once you've gotten through that step, I have a couple other tools in my tool belt, let's say.

So I will talk about those over the next few weeks and you guys can use them on your own journey.

Like I said, one of the things that you can do to help support yourself, to help build that confidence is to have someone on your team.

I am absolutely 150% ready to be that person.

It is an honor that I get to be that person for so many amazing women.

and I would love to be that person for you.

So if that is something that you're ready for, then click the link in the bio to apply and I will reach out and we will talk about what coaching would look like for you.

I hope you all have a great week.

I hope you're enjoying the beginning of fall and I will talk to you all next week.

Hey there, Inspired Mama.

If you enjoyed this show, I want to invite you to leave a review in your podcast player.

This helps to share the message with so many more women just like you.

Also, if you know of another hopeful mama on her path to motherhood, please share this episode with her.

I would love to get this into the ears of anyone who needs to hear it.

If you are ready to step this work up and not only learn these tools, but to apply them to your unique story, head to the link in the show notes to apply for a free consult call.

I would be honored to help you.

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